i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
