I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
