I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
