Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
bring money and cleavage
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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