i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
