That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
