it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
