Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
