I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
