you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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