She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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