like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
