every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
