yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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