remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
