i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
