this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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