Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
