i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
