Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
