there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
