Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize