i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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