i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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