that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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