Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am naked and annoyed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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