i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
