Having a random hookup so left but love u
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
