you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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