i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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