Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
