Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You just made me feel so damn special
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
