why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
