Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
