if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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