woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
