I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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