god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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