smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
