just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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