mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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