standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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