Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
