I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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