would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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