My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
