You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
