thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Boobs are out for the taking
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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