Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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