i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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