I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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