I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
