I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
