Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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