Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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