bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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