the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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