haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
