weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
