I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
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Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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