trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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