I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
two words: eviction party
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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